So I'm talking to my mom today, and she feels the need to pass along "concerns" my grandmother apparently has about me being a lardass. This is the same grandmother who's smoked a pack a day for about forty years.
But I now have felt like shit most of the day. See, although I'm aware that fat can be a genetic issue, I don't actually think it is my case. I used to think so, because my mom was overweight for most of my life ... and then a few years ago she got super skinny. Now, the way she got super skinny was because she couldn't afford food sometimes. But she hasn't gotten fat again, and she eats normally. My dad has a beer gut, but otherwise has always been skinny. I have a cousin who's a little chubby; my grandmother thinks she's overweight but is at a pretty average weight for a sedentary seventy year old woman.
Basically nobody in my family is significantly fat except me. Which I've obviously known for a while, but sometimes it just really hits me and I start to wonder ....
It's definitely difficult to not feel defensive when we know other people are yacking about us. I'd be irritated too!
Yet, they think they are doing something good when they mention this? This is something that would have driven me right to the fridge.
My mom was very gentle about it; she doesn't try to jump down my throat--which of course just makes it more difficult to tell her to shut up, since she's not being mean.
I can't really comment (he says, filling in the 'comment' form) as I have the body of an adonis (yeah, of course I do) but doesn't this boil down to "if you're happy with the way you are, people who love you should also be happy, unless the way you are is actively killing you"?
Now I honestly do not know one single woman...uh, who is completely happy with the way they look - but surely you are at least OK with things? By the sounds of your blog you are, so I hope I'm reading the signals correctly? Anyway - if your mom ISN'T a psychotic like mine (I kid, I kid, sorry mom) and she understands you're OK with how you are at this point in your life, isn't it her job to make sure the rest of the family, including her mom, supports you, rather than shoots you down? Just my 2 cents worth (see, multi-cultural again...)
My whole family has been fat at various times, but I have been the worst by far & have never un-fattied, unlike the rest. My mum is 67, post-bypass surgery, & goes walking with the dog every morning, for 45 minutes. I on the other hand can't walk to my car without being out of breath. The HEALTH aspect of losing weight/getting fit, is what is emphasised. Gently. Nicely. Despairingly. Angrily. Never disparagingly.
Simon--I'm sure a Spartan-like specimen of manhood like yourself never gets these sorts of lectures from family. :) You're right about my being okay with myself--not that I don't have moments of disliking things, but 99% of the time, I'm just peachy. But I don't think my mother really believes me that I'm okay with myself as I am, because she never could be while overweight. I've talked to her about it; but the fact that I'm going to the gym and that I've stopped wearing my "cute" clothes says to her that I'm dissatisfied with my weight, rather than I like to swim and don't feel like putting together outfits. :)
The Fat Lady--my mom relayed it in a caring way, and I know my grandmother meant it that way. I had an aunt (through marriage, not blood) who died of complications from diabetes, and apparently my grandmother's been freaked since. They mean well; I know they do; but they're basing their health fears strictly on my excess blubber rather than any concrete proof (lab tests, activity level, etc.). I hope your family can be a support to you in whatever you want to achieve, and continues to be helpful and not hurtful!
Since my entire family is overweight this has never been an issue for me. Hell, I've been fat all my life and even my DOCTOR hasn't said anything to me, EVER. She only grew concerned when I refused to be weighed at my last visit.
In my family it's all about mental issues. My aunt is a type-A skinny-because-she-exists-on-vitamins-and-water kind of woman, and of ALL the things to complain about, it was that I 'don't have any goals listed' on my Facebook and it 'concerned' her.
...
Really? o_O
Just know your family isn't the only completely psycho one :P
Well, don't you know you should be listing all your goals out in public for everyone to see? :) Geez! :)