Got a call from my aunt today. She's on the list to get shipped overseas--genius went and joined the military reserves a few years ago.

Her oldest daughter graduates in May; her younger daughter has another three years of high school. Their father is a dick, and she doesn't want to go live with him. My mother has waaaaaay too much going on in her life; my grandmother ... uh ... just no. My uncle is living with my grandmother. That leaves two aunts--one across the country, one out in the boonies in this state. And, of course, me.

I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure if it's up to the kiddo, she'll be living with me. That part is fine, I love her and love spending time with her. The problem becomes where she'll be living with me. Five years ago, I left school and moved eighty miles away to where they live. Two years ago, I left there and came back to school. I have a year left.

Do I put my life on hold, again, and halfway across the state again? Or do I make her leave her friends and her school, and possibly her dog unless I can find a realllllly big house here, uprooting her after her sister leaves for college and her mother leaves the country? I feel selfish even considering it--but god damn, I've only got three freaking semesters left, I'm almost thirty, and I don't think I can take another interruption. I've only just found my groove, how can I ditch it now because ... and this is the root of it ... my aunt keeps making stupid decisions?

My cousin shouldn't suffer for her mother's stupidity; she didn't ask for any of this. But I shouldn't either. Goddammit.

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7 Responses
  1. Anonymous Says:

    That is a tough situation. It would be awful if you had to delay school again. I hope everything works out in the end and you don't have to do anything drastic. It's sweet that you care so much.

  2. Al Says:

    urgh that is a tough one!

    If it comes down to it could you do your last 3 semesters by correspondence?

  3. Sometimes you just have to stay the course.
    I feel bad for the poor child but you are almost 30 and working very hard to achieve your goal of graduating from school.
    You will essentially be raising a child and nothing is harder or more disruptive to one's life. Believe me, time gets away before you know it and although you love her, you have to put your own needs first.
    BTW, how can the Army or whomever send a mother off to war if she's the single parent of a child younger than 18?

  4. purplegirl Says:

    Naseem, thanks, it is tough. I'm not putting off school; she'll have to move.

    I did look at online classes in the past, Al, but they don't have the upper division history courses I need.

    Mary, my cousins' father is around ... kind of. I think that's why they can do it. The thing is that neither of his kids really want anything to do with him, and living with him would be hell for my cousin. I'm totally freaking out at the prospect of this--I keep thinking of more and more things I'll be responsible for--but I'll manage. I'm not moving or leaving school; and I think I'll be making a lot of frantic phone calls to my own mother; but we'll be okay.

    We don't have a certain date yet; so a miracle could happen my aunt could get out of it again. Just have to see. In the meantime, I'm considering options and finding out basic, simple information such as which high school zone my house is in.

    We'll see where things go.

  5. SkippyMom Says:

    It will be okay. As long as your cousin has a safe, loving and stable environment she will be fine. Leaving her friends may be hard, but her Mother made the decision for her when she signed with the N/G with no one to take care of the younger one.

    Also - there is another option for the Aunt - the elder daughter can put HER life on hold while Mom deploys and takes care of her sister. The elder daughter can go to a local college and take care of the younger one until Mom comes home as she will be old enough to do so.

    Don't let relatives take over your life or change your plans to accomodate them. It took me eons to learn this [I was in my late 30's] and it almost cost me my family for what I was considering doing for my parents. No more. They chose their life and it isn't up to me to take care of them [What is really annoying is they have the means $$ to do it, but expect me and my sister] I walked away to take care of me, my husband and my kids. Unfortunately my sister is still there.

    Please take care of yourself first. In the long run those kids aren't your responsibility and you will be better for doing it.


  6. purplegirl Says:

    There's no way my older cousin would stay home to take care of her sister. My family would shoot me for suggesting she put off Harvard for a year, for one thing; for another, even if I were comfortable suggesting that, she couldn't handle it.

    I told my aunt I wouldn't move, but my cousin can stay with me if she wants to. I don't even feel guilty now about the idea of making her move--like you said, I can't let other people take over my life.

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