Didn't make it to the French conversation group as I had to go to the hospital to see my grandfather. I did get some stuff done/elimintated, so now ...

School stuff.
--French play (5/2)
--Write up about play group, en français, à rendre le 5 mai
--Write up about play group, en anglais, for another class (school-sponsored activity)
--online French homework
--pick up French composition rough draft (Friday morning)
--French composition, due 5/4
--Reading for in-class conversations for medieval England for 4/30
--Article review for medieval English, due 4/30
--français oral exam (5/3)
--français presentation on reflexive verbs (5/5)
--read Zimmerman Telegraph (for final 5/13)
--read Triangle (for final 5/13)
--get notes for medieval England/Christianity, American history for the last month of classes I missed due to the depression issues
--study for four finals on 5/10, 11, and 13
--write 7-9 page paper for American history class (due 5/13)
--meet with adviser to for written graduation plan for financial aid appeal & state funding waiver for next year (second due 5/15)

Next, trip preparations.
--for NYC trip on 5/6, figure out what I'm taking
--figure out transport to/from airport
--hotel?
--for L.A. trip on 5/14, pack!
--make CDs for trip

Work.
--Friday, Sat, Sun, Tues, following Sat/Sun
--laundry accordingly

And personal.
--pay phone bill
--pay natural gas bill
--pay rent
--doctor's appointment on 5/5
--dishes, have no clean bowls or glasses
--laundry, the ever-present chore
--vacuum and steam-clean carpet (before 5/5 as have to return steamer)
--shave my legs (no point having a tattoo of my favorite band if I don't show it off when I go to the shows, right?)
--buy nail polish remover, toilet paper, mixed nuts, pasta, contact solution, white vinegar, sunscreen
--make CD I've been promising a friend for months

I need my dad to watch my dog while I go to New York to see a-ha, so I had to tell him I was going at all--which I originally didn't intend to. His response was "You need to re-evaluate your life if you really think that's something you need to do."

Wonder what he'd say about my a-ha tattoo!

I have a mind-boggling amount of stuff to do right now. Like, an absolutely insane amount of stuff. I shouldn't even be blogging, I should be doing stuff. But my brain doesn't want to cooperate; it wants to run in circles, chasing its tail about what to do first. I thought maybe if I made some sort of list, a timeline, I'd feel less .... screwed! But every time I start writing a to-do list, I get distracted, I wander off, and I lose it. This is more permanent! Plus you people come here to read the ridiculous details of my life, right? Ha!

I'll start with the school stuff.
--French conversation group (Thursday 4/29)
--Write up about convo group, en français, à rendre le 5 mai
--Write up about convo group, en anglais, for another class (school-sponsored activity)
--online French homework
--French composition, due 5/4
--Reading for in-class conversations for medieval England/Christianity for 4/30
--Article review for medieval English, due 4/30
--français oral exam (5/3)
--français presentation on reflexive verbs (5/5)
--read Zimmerman Telegraph (for final 5/13)
--read Triangle (for final 5/13)
--get notes for medieval England/Christianity, American history for the last month of classes I missed due to the depression issues
--study for four finals on 5/10, 11, and 13
--write 7-9 page paper for American history class (due 5/13)
--fill out financial aid application form for next school year
--meet with adviser to for written graduation plan for financial aid appeal & state funding waiver for next year (second due 5/15)
--meet with professor to beg for chance to make up missed points (5/29)

Next, trip preparations.
--for NYC trip on 5/6, figure out what I'm taking
--figure out transport to/from airport
--hotel?
--get t-shirt printed
--for L.A. trip on 5/14, pack!
--buy sunscreen
--finalize dog sitters
--make CDs for trip

Work.
--Friday, Sat, Sun, Tues, following Sat/Sun
--laundry accordingly

And personal.
--lunch with friend (3/29)
--dinner with friend (3/29)
--visit grandfather in hospital for infection, depending on if he's still there tomorrow
--pay phone bill
--pay natural gas bill
--pay rent
--doctor's appointment on 5/5
--dishes, have no clean bowls or glasses
--laundry, the ever-present chore
--vacuum and steam-clean carpet (before 5/5 as have to return steamer)
--shave my legs (no point having a tattoo of my favorite band if I don't show it off when I go to the shows, right?)
--buy nail polish remover, toilet paper, mixed nuts, pasta, contact solution, white vinegar
--make CD I've been promising a friend for months

What can I say except FUCK MY LIFE.

I've been trying to get my house a little more organized, by which I mean organized at all. I still have several boxes from when I moved--the contents have changed a bit, but basically I've just been shuffling random stuff around for almost two years.

So I finally started buying tubs for organization, including one that I've been thinking of my "hobby" tub. Because I did used to have hobbies. I've spent the last ten minutes wistfully looking over my horse's old saddle, bridle, and some random pieces of my grooming kit. He's been dead for four years; they still smell like him. I regret not spending more time with my poor horse; once I started college he pretty much stood around. It makes me cry to think of it, I wish I had been ... better.

Anyway, I used to ride my horse, I used to play my clarinet, I took some guitar lessons for a while, I have a bunch of yarn because I used to (try to) crotchet, I have about six cross-stitches I'll get around to finishing eventually. I have scrapbooking stuff.

I used to do things other than work, sleep, and struggle through classes.

So commercials like this ...



and this ....



or this with semen-like salad dressing dripping past cleavage ...



Those are all okay. But apparently, ABC and freaking Fox refused to air this Lane Bryant commercial. I wonder why. Could it be because Ashley Graham isn't a stick figure?

It's strange to be so busy, yet so bored. I work, I go to class (usually, sometimes), I watch tv, and that's about it. I don't have money, or time, to go do the things I like to do. Plus it's lonesome--all the people I work with like to go out and get wasted, which is not something I want to do. It's surprisingly difficult to find someone in my social circle to just go to a movie with, or to the museum, or whatever. Add to that the scheduling conflicts and the lack of money, and I guess it's not surprising that I do so little.

Just a few more weeks of school, and at least my schedule will open up a little bit. For a while.

So I've written several times before, whining about how my depression seems to be coming back. And then I don't go to the doctor, because I start feeling better ... or so I think. At least about the big things. I realized just now how insidious all the little symptoms are. Tonight after work I went for a long drive, just because; I drove twenty miles up into the foothills, listening to melancholy songs the entire time. Then I came home curled up on my couch and watched some tv. And cried over stupid things. And continued crying.

What really hit me, though, was when I was reading through some blogs. Because if I were feeling normal, I'd be commenting. Instead, I read, and I say nothing, because I feel like there's a wall between me and everyone else. And I didn't even really realize it until now, because it's just been so slow to come on. I thought I was just tired, or just stressed, or just irritated at my coworkers, or ... I don't know. But for some reason it clicked tonight. This is how I spent years feeling. I have got to go to the fucking doctor, I have got to deal with this, I cannot let it keep going on. I'm barely hanging on, I'm going to go right over the edge and back in to the abyss of failing classes and shit again.

I just love getting irate calls from my father because he got a call from someone threatening to sue me--for an amount I don't even fucking know what it belongs to! I know I owe money to allllll sorts of different places, but not that amount, and not to that creditor. It's freaking stressing me out not knowing.

ETA: Turns out it was a different company from what my dad said, and it hasn't even been sent to collections yet! So either he massively misunderstood, or somebody from that company went way beyond the scope of her job and was making threats.

(Sponsored.)

When I was living with my aunt and cousins, working as their nanny, one of my least favorite parts of that was the fact that my cousin had a piano. Or, to be more accurate, the fact that her piano was in the living room, which was directly above my room, and she liked to practice before school. At which point I would've probably just gone to bed. Ah, those were the days.

Even though I hated that piano, I'd sometimes play around on it when nobody else was home. I never took piano lessons, even though my dad taught me to read music when I was five. I had an electronic keyboard, which my parents soon regretted when I discovered I could play "Silent Night" on an electronic violin setting. Last my dad bought me an electric organ, which I thought was super cool--it had twice as many annoying instruments! But I still couldn't play with both hands, and had a hard time remembering the keys. I think it's because at that point I'd started playing the clarinet, which is in a different key, and my little brain just couldn't handle it. Wonder where that thing went anyway.

I was honestly starting to wonder if I was going to pass my French class this semester. I've missed a lot of classes, between hurting my back, getting sick, getting sick again, depression bullcrap, and sleeping through my alarm. I've also not turned in quite a few assignments. On Friday in class, my least favorite teacher handed out grades. I have a 72.something percent. And I am so okay with that. As long as I don't miss anything more, I'll have a C for the semester. Which is good enough to satisfy the prerequisite for the next semester of French, good enough to maintain my GPA above the point where I need it, and good enough for it to be a completed credit so I'll (hopefully) get financial aid for my last year.

And hopefully my next French teacher won't be such an almighty bitch. Not that it's her fault I've missed as much class as I have, of course. Her attitude just sucks, she's sarcastic and short with everyone in the class, completely unapproachable. She's made me hate the class, even though I love the subject, so I'll be glad to be done with her.

I called my dad last night to see how he was feeling, since he'd been sick over the weekend. There was no answer, so I just left a message and went about my way. About fifteen minutes later, at about eight at night, my phone rang. Thinking it was my dad, I answered.

Oh my freaking god. It was his damn girlfriend, who was totally fucking hammered. She obviously thought she was hiding it, but she kept stumbling over her words, mis-pronouncing them and sometimes just stopping in the middle of a sentence and going silent. Other times her sentences were just making no sense at all. She thought they were hilarious though.

My dad's obviously been complaining about me being single, and about why things didn't work with my ex, because she even started asking me about him. And then she was asking me about school, and why I was reading a history book for school, and then started talking about how she likes to read erotic stuff from the 18th century. Uh, okay.

It would've been really uncomfortable if I thought she'd remember it today!

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of Alvin and the Chipmunks. All opinions are 100% mine.

A few months ago, I was driving by a movie theater and saw two words on a movie marquee: "The Squeakquel". I called my mom and was all, "I just saw the weirdest thing. WTF is a squeakquel?"

Yeah, I had no idea there was an Alvin & the Chipmunks movie, let alone a "squeakquel". I'm so clueless. I only knew it as the cute little cartoon from when I was a kid--David screaming "ALLLLLVINNNNNNN!!!" and the little song at the beginning: "Alvin-Simon, The-o-dore!"

Anybody who's read my server blog knows how I feel about kids--namely that they're noisy and gooey and not something I like. So even once I knew of the existence of said Squeakquel, I didn't see it. I don't actually know much about the movie itself, but I do remember the Chipmunks being adorable and fun when I was a kid. So now that you can buy it now on DVD, Blu-ray (I still don't quite know what the point of Blu-ray is, personally), and as a digital download, I'm sure it's a great addition to a family's movie collection. The DVD double pack comes with something called "The Squeak Along"--which I'll be honest, sounds like pure hell to me, but also like the kind of thing kids would totally dig. I bet there'd be some delightful screeching if I bought it for my youngest cousin.

You can also get your kids involved in More Munk Mayhem, stuff like making a chipmunk version of themselves and stuff. Okay, that part's kinda cute!

So while looking up James Franco because of the previous post, I noticed something on his IMDB profile: under the in development are is something called "Mystery White Boy". I kind of looked at that for a minute, thinking, nah. Can't be. Could it be? Yes, yes it could: a movie about Jeff Buckley!

It doesn't say how Franco is involved, but I'd bet he's playing Jeff--with the right hairstyle, he's almost a dead ringer for him. Uh, no pun intended, what with the deadness and all. I first noticed it in Tristan + Isolde (left). Which is probably one of whinest, most emo movies I own, but I love it like candy. Kind of like those damn Twilight books, actually.

Anyway, I'm interested to see if this movie about Jeff actually pans out, there's been talk of it for a long time, but his mother's been against it. Apparently now she's taking an active part in it, so it doesn't depict him in an unflattering way. I sort of feel bad for her, her son's been dead for thirteen years and she's still having to deal with this sort of stuff endlessly.

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of 20th Century Fox. All opinions are 100% mine.

I admit, I'm not usually a fan of Tina Fey. Her Sarah Palin impression was pretty hilarious, but the rest of the time, eh, not so much. Steve Carell, on the other hand, cracks my shit up. So, even though I don't have a date, I might go see their Date Night Movie" anyway. It looks pretty funny:



(Wasn't that the guy from Pineapple Express in there? Yes, yes it was. Okay, curiosity sated.)

What's not to love about a movie with a shootout, a car chase, a strip club, and a mob boss, and Steve Carell screaming "KILL SHOT! THAT'S A KILL SHOT!" (From a different commercial, that, but it just makes me giggle, not actually sure why.) The movie opens April 9th, which, hey, that's this weekend! Opening weekend is a great time to see a movie--am I being too subtle here? What, are you going to stay home and watch that stupid teenage vampire movie again or something?

Oh, wait. Uh, that's me, which the obsession and stuff. Anyway. Funny people, funny looking movie, comes out this weekend. Grab some popcorn and go watch Tiny Fey pretend she's the new girl at the strip club (but she doesn't really have gum).

I've been checking the humane society's website every day, looking to see if my pretty mister gets put in the adoption area. Today, he was posted. They even kept the name I gave him. I'm fighting back tears now, I miss him so much. But I know I did the right thing; he'll be happier with a different owner who has more time and space for him.

Some day, I'm going to have a giant house and I will rescue many, many kitties from shelters in memory of my mister.

My dad drives me absolutely nuts sometimes. There was no reason he couldn't have talked to me about what he was calling about last night. No reason for him to stress me out. I even told him that he was stressing me out, and he still wouldn't just tell me what was going on. Gah! Seriously! Gah!

Also, I'm feeling ever so slightly less scummy about the cat situation, since I'm 99% sure he's already listed on the adoption page. There's not a picture, but the description and age match and it's a new listing.

I still feel like crying when I think about him headbutting me and licking my chin; I still want to go and re-adopt him. But I can't. I don't have room, I don't have time, I just can't. Even though I miss him awfully.

He knows that I get stressed out when he says he needs to talk to me, but won't tell me when I'm at work or only have a few minutes. I've been stressed out all night, because when I called him back he was sleeping and insisted I call him tomorrow. Gah! It could be absolutely nothing, he's done that before. But I have this awful feeling he's going to marry his girlfriend and wants to prepare me before he makes an announcement to the family on Sunday.