A week ago, I was still in Los Angeles, a few hours away from going to the last North American a-ha concert. Since getting back from that trip, my activities have fallen in to several very narrow categories: working (a bit), sleeping (mostly), and a-ha obsessed things (all the rest of the time). The people around me think I'm insane, but I am totally depressed.

(Some of it is the fact that I thought I was happy before, but now I'm realizing I was just sort of content. I don't think I've ever, ever been as happy as I was while I was in New York. And even though I know I can't have that same feeling all the time, I want closer to it than I have now.)

But most of it ... most of it is the strange knowledge that there will be no more a-ha. No more albums; no more new songs to fall in love with; no new interviews or performances to watch on Youtube; no more chances to try to talk to Magne or sing with the crowd to "Living Daylights" or laugh at Morten forgetting the words or dance wildly to "Cry Wolf" or "wave goodbye" during "Manhattan Skyline". Their music has loomed so large in my life in the last six years that it's just difficult to even conceive of.

And yeah, I listen to other music ... but very few things really reach out and grab me like their music does. People keep trying to tell me they'll probably come back, bands do so-called farewell tours all the time ... but I don't think so with them. This probably sounds naive, but I don't think they'd toy with their fans like that--they know exactly how obsessive we are. I mean, I certainly hope I'm wrong--I'd be so stoked if they announced at their last concert that the reaction from all their fans changed their minds. But I doubt it, and it makes me a very sad panda. I have a strangely deep sense of loss, a lingering sadness, a hollow feeling now that the object of my adoration is fragmenting.

4 Responses
  1. mi Says:

    you know i feel the exact same way.

    and people say the same thing to me as well about them getting back together for another farewell tour, but like you i don't believe it.

    a-ha has never been the sort of group to say one thing and do another. it's one of the reasons i've always loved them. the are authentic and have integrity.

    i guess to some it seems were acting as if someone has died, but that's the thing - it is the same (for me, at least). they are going to be gone forever as of december. how can we not feel such profound sadness for a group that gave us 25 years of incredible music?

    there's no such thing as a bad a-ha song/album. they always perform amazingly. this isn't something you can find everyday - what they have and made is quite unique and special.

    i don't mean to run on and on in your comments, but i feel a part of me has been torn out. i've never been lucky enough to have met a-ha, but i still feel like i know them, and they know me. their music is THAT powerful.

    i'm glad i met you because it is comforting to know someone else feels the way i do about this and is having trouble with their grieving as well.

  2. purplegirl Says:

    You can go on in my comments as much as you want--like you say, it's good to "meet" someone who gets it. Wish we'd connected before the concert so we could have met up there!

    I'm starting to pull out of my slump a little bit ... but then I'll go crashing back down in to it! It is a death of sorts, of an idea or an entity. Hard to explain, to someone who doesn't feel the same way!

    I keep watching the EotS clip you sent me, btw--I love it!

  3. mi Says:

    isn't that clip incredible!!!!

    i love trading clips back and forth with you.
    i'm thinking of getting an a-ha related tattoo, but haven't yet decided on a design.

    i really wish i could see them one last time in europe but it's too hard considering i have the little guy to look after.

  4. purplegirl Says:

    I'm trying to make Europe happen by sheer force of will, dammit. :)