There's a certain word that, any time I say it, everyone in my vicinity cringes and looks away as if I had just admitted I like to bathe in the blood of aborted babies. It really mystifies me, because it's a very simple word, and it's an entirely accurate descriptor for me. Fat. Fat. That's all. Just fat.

This has happened twice lately, both in conversations regarding jeans. I had to buy new jeans for work before Christmas, because my old ones ripped and my newer pair was really uncomfortable. I didn't want to shell out the cash for Lane Bryant jeans, so I tried Target, Kohl's, and Wal-Mart first. And that reminded me of what for the part six years I've gone straight to LB.

I was telling a good friend of mine this, and she suggested I go to Old Navy. "Can't," I said. "I'm too fat." She started, looking away, and started insisting I couldn't be too large to shop at Old Navy. I just laughed and told her their jeans in-store stop at size 20, which is four sizes too small for me. She continued looking very uncomfortable.

Yesterday, someone was talking about Kohl's and how "wonderful" it is. I mentioned that I tried to get jeans there before going to LB, and the bartender (who's about a size 14), asked me "Why do you shop at Lane Bryant?!" From her tone I'm guessing she went in once and was horrified by the prices, since she has cheaper options.

I kind of blinked at her. "Because I'm fat a girl."

She immediately stopped making eye contact and started making disagreeing sounds, clucking her tongue, pulling that "you're not fat" crap. I laughed. "It's true," I said, "these are size 24 jeans." Everyone around me continued looking horrified that I would say that about myself. They're seriously less horrified when I make jokes about bondage and sex toy sodomy.

And even though I know that society has added all sorts of connotations to the word "fat", peoples' reactions still amuse me. "You're not fat" -- really? What part of me isn't fat? My hair?

2 Responses
  1. Aunty Pol Says:

    The only true revewnge is to go any buy those jeans girl . Once you find ones that really fit, just smile and think to yourself...HAH ,,asshats ! It doesn't matter if I am fat or jeans fit and I am fabulous !



  2. Ester Jean Says:

    I really love because of the way she openly talks about/ writes about being fat, and loving herself, and loving other "fatties," as well as what a pain in the ass it is to try finding clothes.

    I have always had a hard time finding clothes, but I realize it is really different for others. There's a differdence between being way too partiicular and not having options. It's bullshit if you don't have options.

    And it does suck that people feel so awkward and don't know what to say about weight issues. As much as I wish it didn't have to ever be a conversation (meaning, it wasn't so important for women universally to give so much of a big fat shit about what they look like and what other women look like...), it is, and people are always going to be a little jackassed trying to figure out if you're ASKING them to say, "No you're not fat" or redefine "fat" for you.

    I'm not the smartest crayon in the shed, and I also wouldn't know exactly what to say. I wouldn't lie to you, but holy crap, I have only been reading your blog(s) for an hour and I love the shit out of the depth of your thoughts, the way you articulate your experiences, and your sense of humor, so... guess that's my awkward response to you talking about being fat. I'm in love with the way you writing about awful shit.