Thank GOD my bastard neighbors are moving.

This month has been an utter clusterfuck. I had to pay my rent late--like way late. And then my checking account was overdrawn because of it, so I had to pay fees on that. After my Sunday shift, I finally had enough to cover that and one other thing that was coming out yesterday.

Or so I thought.

My fucking bank apparently decided to push through two more things that were pending in the early afternoon--so now I'm $130 in the hole AGAIN. So now I have to make $130 to cover that, $110 for my phone bill, $682 for rent, and whatever else to keep myself and my animals fed and put gas in my car. It's not going to fucking happen.

It's only $60 but coming on the heels of everything else, it's a major fucking setback. I've paid $250 in late/overdraft fees this month because of shit like this. I'm working as hard as I can and I can't catch up. I'm so tired of this. I just want to give up. If I didn't have animals to take care of, I might just curl up in my bed and not get out ever again. Just lie there and sleep until someone physically removes me.

Yeah, I'm being melodramatic. But I've been crying so hard I can hardly breathe for half an hour, and I thought if I focused on writing it out it might help. It's not.

And the cranky neighbors will be gone! Found out yesterday that they're moving. As are the people in half of the other building. I kind of hope that the management company can't find anyone to rent the one next to me, at least ... not having neighbors is so much more convenient! I'm not entirely surprised they're leaving--they've had electrical problems the entire time, and apparently mice too. Add me and my annoying music/dogs and ... well ... I WIN! HAHAHA!

Now, if I can just make the rest of June's rent money this weekend, I'll hopefully just barely be able to make July's rent by the 1st, and hopefully this unit won't be vacant too!

ADD

DEL

Move

I live in a duplex, and my neighbors have a dog. My bigger dog is very protective, and goes nuts any time they let their dog out. She also will bark when he's just at the back door. So tonight I let her out, and after a few minutes she starts barking. I rush to the back door and call her in, but my neighbor's jerk boyfriend is already outside--exciting her more--complaining about "every night at 2:30 this has gone on for the past four nights!"

What's gone on? Ten seconds of barking? Their dog must be whining at the door or something--which is clearly my fault, right? I have a horrible feeling they're going to complain to the property management company about me. I guess I'll have to start letting the dog out the front door at night.

Didn't make it to the French conversation group as I had to go to the hospital to see my grandfather. I did get some stuff done/elimintated, so now ...

School stuff.
--French play (5/2)
--Write up about play group, en français, à rendre le 5 mai
--Write up about play group, en anglais, for another class (school-sponsored activity)
--online French homework
--pick up French composition rough draft (Friday morning)
--French composition, due 5/4
--Reading for in-class conversations for medieval England for 4/30
--Article review for medieval English, due 4/30
--français oral exam (5/3)
--français presentation on reflexive verbs (5/5)
--read Zimmerman Telegraph (for final 5/13)
--read Triangle (for final 5/13)
--get notes for medieval England/Christianity, American history for the last month of classes I missed due to the depression issues
--study for four finals on 5/10, 11, and 13
--write 7-9 page paper for American history class (due 5/13)
--meet with adviser to for written graduation plan for financial aid appeal & state funding waiver for next year (second due 5/15)

Next, trip preparations.
--for NYC trip on 5/6, figure out what I'm taking
--figure out transport to/from airport
--hotel?
--for L.A. trip on 5/14, pack!
--make CDs for trip

Work.
--Friday, Sat, Sun, Tues, following Sat/Sun
--laundry accordingly

And personal.
--pay phone bill
--pay natural gas bill
--pay rent
--doctor's appointment on 5/5
--dishes, have no clean bowls or glasses
--laundry, the ever-present chore
--vacuum and steam-clean carpet (before 5/5 as have to return steamer)
--shave my legs (no point having a tattoo of my favorite band if I don't show it off when I go to the shows, right?)
--buy nail polish remover, toilet paper, mixed nuts, pasta, contact solution, white vinegar, sunscreen
--make CD I've been promising a friend for months

I have a mind-boggling amount of stuff to do right now. Like, an absolutely insane amount of stuff. I shouldn't even be blogging, I should be doing stuff. But my brain doesn't want to cooperate; it wants to run in circles, chasing its tail about what to do first. I thought maybe if I made some sort of list, a timeline, I'd feel less .... screwed! But every time I start writing a to-do list, I get distracted, I wander off, and I lose it. This is more permanent! Plus you people come here to read the ridiculous details of my life, right? Ha!

I'll start with the school stuff.
--French conversation group (Thursday 4/29)
--Write up about convo group, en français, à rendre le 5 mai
--Write up about convo group, en anglais, for another class (school-sponsored activity)
--online French homework
--French composition, due 5/4
--Reading for in-class conversations for medieval England/Christianity for 4/30
--Article review for medieval English, due 4/30
--français oral exam (5/3)
--français presentation on reflexive verbs (5/5)
--read Zimmerman Telegraph (for final 5/13)
--read Triangle (for final 5/13)
--get notes for medieval England/Christianity, American history for the last month of classes I missed due to the depression issues
--study for four finals on 5/10, 11, and 13
--write 7-9 page paper for American history class (due 5/13)
--fill out financial aid application form for next school year
--meet with adviser to for written graduation plan for financial aid appeal & state funding waiver for next year (second due 5/15)
--meet with professor to beg for chance to make up missed points (5/29)

Next, trip preparations.
--for NYC trip on 5/6, figure out what I'm taking
--figure out transport to/from airport
--hotel?
--get t-shirt printed
--for L.A. trip on 5/14, pack!
--buy sunscreen
--finalize dog sitters
--make CDs for trip

Work.
--Friday, Sat, Sun, Tues, following Sat/Sun
--laundry accordingly

And personal.
--lunch with friend (3/29)
--dinner with friend (3/29)
--visit grandfather in hospital for infection, depending on if he's still there tomorrow
--pay phone bill
--pay natural gas bill
--pay rent
--doctor's appointment on 5/5
--dishes, have no clean bowls or glasses
--laundry, the ever-present chore
--vacuum and steam-clean carpet (before 5/5 as have to return steamer)
--shave my legs (no point having a tattoo of my favorite band if I don't show it off when I go to the shows, right?)
--buy nail polish remover, toilet paper, mixed nuts, pasta, contact solution, white vinegar
--make CD I've been promising a friend for months

What can I say except FUCK MY LIFE.

I've been trying to get my house a little more organized, by which I mean organized at all. I still have several boxes from when I moved--the contents have changed a bit, but basically I've just been shuffling random stuff around for almost two years.

So I finally started buying tubs for organization, including one that I've been thinking of my "hobby" tub. Because I did used to have hobbies. I've spent the last ten minutes wistfully looking over my horse's old saddle, bridle, and some random pieces of my grooming kit. He's been dead for four years; they still smell like him. I regret not spending more time with my poor horse; once I started college he pretty much stood around. It makes me cry to think of it, I wish I had been ... better.

Anyway, I used to ride my horse, I used to play my clarinet, I took some guitar lessons for a while, I have a bunch of yarn because I used to (try to) crotchet, I have about six cross-stitches I'll get around to finishing eventually. I have scrapbooking stuff.

I used to do things other than work, sleep, and struggle through classes.

I went today to the local Cricket store and bought their broadband Internet. I kind of hate it, to be honest; only because I'm used to the crazy-fast speed of my Comcast cable internet. But I hate paying $70 a month more, and the Cricket thing is only $40, and it's tolerable.

And that's $30 a month I'm saving. I've been thinking about switching for a few weeks, since a friend of mine mentioned it. What pushed me over the edge in to doing it is the simple fact that I want to see a-ha twice! I bought a ticket to a New York show in case the LA shows sold out; but I was able to get tickets to an LA show for me and my cousins. But honestly, I'd still really like to go to the NYC show. It's general admission, standing room, which means dancing and fun. The LA show is seated and I'll have two teenagers in tow! I have frequent flyer miles to get me to one show, but the other I'll have to pay for.

• So if I reduce my Internet, that's $30 a month I'll save.
• I've put my gym membership on hold (no more late-night swims for me), so that's another $20.
• I've thought about putting my Booksfree.com membership on hold too, especially since I've got so much school-related reading to do; that'd be another $20. The automatic payment for this month just went through, but I might do it next month. I just read so much it's hard not to keep it.
• As much as I love it, I don't neeeeeed internet on my Blackberry. So that's $30 I've just saved myself by canceling that.
• The only other non-essential thing I have is my Dish Network tv. And I really don't want to get rid of that. My weekly episodes of House, Bones, etc. are my entertainment.
• I need to really focus on getting up early enough to catch the bus to campus. I've been parking at school a couple of times a week, which ads up quickly. It's just so damn convenient, especially when I'm exhausted (every day) and have three hours between classes where a car nap is quite refreshing!

That damn dog I took off my cousin's hands chewed the heel off my favorite pair of boots--the only ones I had that would actually zip up all the way. I discovered this when my foot slipped on the way to bed, and the side of my foot skidded over the pointy, jagged, exposed plastic and screw in the heel.

So now I have ruined boots and a half-centimeter deep pit in my foot. Fucking fabulous.

I have about five pillows for my bed, some I use and some I don't. The last time I washed them, I had one that was the odd one out. So for a while, it's been sitting on the floor between my washer and dryer, which the cats quite liked. Well, yesterday the big dog peed on it. Why? I have no idea. But I know it was her because she was doing that belly crawling, ears back thing.

To clean it (and one other), I used the "medium high" water setting and hot/hot cycle on the washer. I did a soak, with about a cup of white vinegar, for about half as hour, then a pre-wash to rinse that out. Then I soaked them in plain detergent water for half an hour and ran the wash cycle. One more wash cycle with detergent for good measure, and I popped them in the dryer.

I just took them out, and there's not even a stain! They're pristine and white again. And there's no smell--I stuck my face in both sides of both pillows and took a deep whiff. They're the same brand of pillow, and I can't even tell which one was pissed on.

Like I said, vinegar=magic.

I slept until ridiculously late today, and then didn't actually start doing anything until about midnight. Since then I've washed all my dishes, run two loads of laundry and have another of pillows soaking, put said laundry away, run my new comforter through the dryer to pull the cat hair off of it, baked a cake from a mix somebody gave me a while ago, organized and cleared out my fridge, finished a book I'd been reading off and on for a while, made a few blog posts, and read all of Girl and Guitar's blog.

Now, at 5:20 in the morning, I feel like I've done enough and can sleep.

I had a nice weekend with my family, but they also just make me want to scream sometimes. I'm so glad to be home, home where if I don't feel like smiling nobody slaps me on the shoulder and demands to know what's wrong. Where there are two dogs and four cats, but not eight dogs (more dogs than people) chasing each other around, snarling, fighting, jumping on me, and being a pain in the ass. Where I don't have my grandmother looking pointedly at my fat ass every time I get something to eat, or my aunt glancing sideways at me while she cooks because apparently I should be waiting on the menfolk, not enjoying myself. Where I don't have to see my dad patting his girlfriend's ass, or listen to my grandmother ask me the same question for the fourth time that day, or watch my cousin defer to her douchebag fiancé.

Ah, home. It smells of stale air and cats, and my pilot light went out so it's freezing cold, but it's mine.

My new neighbor just rang my doorbell. We've never met, I've only seen her pulling in and out of the driveway, and she didn't introduce herself. Just complained about my music. It's the middle of the day--and it wasn't that loud. This is gonna be just great. She strikes me as the type of person who's going to complain about my dogs and cause me trouble. Goddammit.

Unless five thousand dollars falls from the sky, I won't be going to school next semester. And on one hand, I am utterly depressed by that. I'm going to forget the finer points of my French, I'm going to get out of the habit of studying, it's just going to suck. And I won't finish my damn degree until I'm 30.

But I'm trying to see the positive side of this--there are positives. For one thing, if I'm working two jobs, I should have no problems paying my bills for the first time in months! I'm getting really tired of having to borrow money to pay my rent.

Also, I'll have more time to do other stuff--I'll be out of the house more, but I won't have studying to get when I am home, so maybe I'll finally get the rest of this junk eBayed! And I can read more--I haven't been reading as much as usual both because of homework and because sometimes I just feel like my brain can't absorb anymore stuff.

I am worried, though, that I'll get so comfortable just working and being able to pay my bills that I won't want to come back when fall semester rolls around again. Having disposable income can, after all, get addicting.

I just went to put something in dumpster, and it's a gorgeous night out there. The sky is clear, the grass is frosted, and I could see my breath. Even with a big streetlamp right over my driveway, the sky is clear enough, and the air still enough, that I could see the different colors of some of the stars. The grass was sparkling, crunching beneath my dog's feet as she ran around like a lunatic; and even though I was cold I stayed out a couple of extra minutes, watching my breath mist in front of me, listening to the silence, and feeling like I was the only person in the world.

Two nights ago when I came home from work, my living room light was on. Which was weird--I know it wasn't on, because I checked. But things like that happen around here all the time, I'm sure I have a ghost in my house. It scared me a couple of weeks ago, actually--I was just sitting here and I suddenly hear a voice coming out of my spare room. It sounded like a little old lady, sort of croaking "Hello?" I've read in books about getting goosebumps from fear, or feeling like your hair is standing on end, but I've never experienced it before that night. I wanted to run screaming, but I sat and pretended to ignore it--figured the more attention I pay to the ghost, the more it'll bug me.

A lot of random crap still happens, though; and last night was a prime example of that. Yesterday morning I was awoken by the clatter of my glasses falling behind my bed, courtesy of one of my cats. Last night when I was getting ready for bed, I went to retrieve them. I could see my glasses, between my bed and my vanity. I know they were there; I could see them, but I couldn't reach them. I got my handy bamboo back scratching stick and was using it to slide my glasses out of the crack between furniture .... and suddenly, they weren't there. I thought at first they'd just slid under the vanity, so I prepared to move the whole thing. I dragged my old horse's saddle out from under the vanity, took my lamp and iPod speaker off the top of it, and started edging it forward.

I ended up dragging the thing all the way out from the wall, feeling under it, looking under it .... and my glasses are just gone. WTF? They literally disappeared. My bed is directly on the floor, no frame, so they couldn't slide under there. They're just gone. I'm sure most people reading this are going to think I'm just dumb or crazy, but I swear. A lot of other bizarre things have happened too.

So when I came home last night and could see from outside that there was a light on, I thought it was just another random screwy occurrence. Nope. The bathroom door was open, meaning Mister had been out mingling with the population for god knows how long (and the dogs had gotten in his litter box and I had a huge mess to clean up off the floor). I don't think Isolde is in heat--she's not acting like it--but I'm not sure how cats' ovulation cycles run, so I'm going to have to watch her and see if she starts getting fatter. Goddamn it.

I must not have shut the door all the way when I left, and then one of the dogs nosed it open. I've got to get Mister's nuts cut off so this doesn't happen again--it's just a matter of finding the time, which I probably won't be able to for another few weeks. See, there's a place that'll do it for $15--but I have to drop him off an hour away at seven in the morning and pick him up at three, so it's going to have to wait until I have a full day off. And if I'm going to make that trip, I might as well cough up another $25 and get Isolde spayed on the same day.

God I hope I'm not going to have kittens. I love 'em, they're squishy and adorable, but so not what I need right now.

My neighbor has been evicted; he's spent the last 12+ hours clearing out his house and packing a trailer. He was supposed to be out by midnight, but it's 4:20 a.m., and I can still hear him bumping around on the other side of the wall. I talked to him tonight and he's moving out of state, to where his girlfriend lives. Unfortunately, he has two cats and his girlfriend is allergic. One he's found a home for. The other he asked if I wanted, or if I knew somebody, because otherwise he'll take him to the pound.

I need another cat like a damn hole in the head. I need another cat like I needed another dog. I really cannot take any more stray animals in--I'm already over the limit, buried in pet hair, and without enough attention to spread out to the five I have. I don't know anybody who wants another cat; my family members are all full up on pets and/or don't like cats. I haven't heard any of my friends talking about wanting a cat. If I go knock on his door and take in this cat to try to find him a home, the chances of me actually finding him a home are ridiculously low.

But ... how can I just let a poor innocent kitty go to the pound? I know how many cats end up in the pound, and I know how many never leave it alive. The shelters do the best they can, of course. And I can't save every animal in the world. And I need to not be such a soft-hearted idiot and take problems on to myself.

But since talking to my neighbor two and a half hours ago, I've thought of almost nothing else. It kills me to think of a cat I might be able to save being dumped in a shelter and living in a little box.

Just typing this crap out just made me crack. I went next door and took the cat. He's not neutered, and one of my girls isn't spayed, so I have to keep him isolated. They'd make pretty babies, but that's just not something I need to be dealing with right now. In fact, I don't need to be dealing with any of this right now, but .... yeah. I'll see if anybody I know wants him; if they don't, I'll take him to the no-kill foundation a few towns over.

But right now, I have another cat. FML.

My neighbor is frantically clearing out his house because he's been evicted. I'm terrified that's going to happen to me. It's not like I'd be out on the street, I have family; but it's still a frightening idea.

I've paid my rent this month, with a lot of help. I'm already worrying about December, though, especially since there's about $250 in bills I've let slide for several months and as such will have to pay this month. It's really nerve-wracking, because I've already paid my rent late three times this year--I don't know if they'll let me renew my lease again as it is, and finding a new place with my pets is not so easy. Finding a new place without a down payment isn't so easy, is more accurate.

I'm doing everything I can to make ends meet; I'm working as much as I can, with school and such. I'm writing paid blog posts when I have the chance (though those won't pay out for 30 days, so that's more looking forward to December, and they're minimal anyway). I'm selling things on ebay, which will probably make or break me this month. If I can sell enough stuff, and work enough hours, maybe I can start the month of December even instead of spending the first weekend still trying to make up what my checking account is short.

Here's hoping.

ETA: I forgot to mention that I have a potential freelancing job lined up, doing social/viral marketing for a wedding planner, and possibly for a haunted house run by a local company. Thing is, I have absolutely no idea what pay to request, nor do I truly know what I'm doing in that area. I just sort of stumbled in to helping a friend with the haunted house thing, and then she asked if I'd be interested in helping with the wedding planning business and possibly with the haunted house in a more formal way next year. I'd better start doing some research.

and bought another humidifier. Mine died a sad death, and with my financial woes--and the fact that I was hoping to replace it with an identical one, but it's been discontinued--I've been without for several months. Not so good with the sinus issues--I swear I could feel my sinus lining cracking, and I've been getting daily headaches. Doing my lovely disgusting sinuses rinses helps, but it's also hard to do as often as necessary to really help--I can't do it too close to bedtime, or it runs down the back of my throat while I sleep. I can't do it before work, because for a couple of hours afterward if I lean over the salt water runs out my nose. So basically, I can only do it when I'm home for the next three hours without sleeping or heading to work.

So I bought a $20 humidifier at the Wally World. It seems to be working fairly well--my room already smells misty--although I prefer the kind that puts out visible mist. But I'm looking forward to going to bed tonight, snuggling into my warm fluffy comforters and falling asleep to the hum of the fan and the smell of mist.

My favorite television show is House. It took me a couple of years before I finally started watching it, but I am absolutely freaking hooked. Last season ended incredibly, and the two hour long premier is tomorrow night. I was talking to a girl at work about it, and it turns out she loves it to. Then her friend spoke up to. The first girl suggested we all get together to watch it, which sounds like fun.

The second girl turns to me and says, "We've never been to your house, we should go there." I laughed and reminded them I have a multitude of animals, but they said they're fine with it. I very, very rarely have people over, so I agreed. They're supposed to bring dinner, and I'm going to bake something for dessert.

And then I got to thinking about how much goddamn work that's going to be. The baking part is fine, I love that and I've overdue for a baking experiment anyway. But the cleaning up my house so it's presentable for company? Oh crap.

Not that it's filthy, or anything; there are just certain things that I don't devote much time to. Like a giant stack of mail in the corner I just keep adding to. And behind the bathroom door. I live alone, so there's no point in closing the door, so I never see behind it. And the bag of recycling by the front door, going to have to do something with that.

Maybe someone will want me to work for them tomorrow instead.