I made $63 too little this weekend to cover my big fat credit card payment that'd automatically debited out of my account tomorrow, and that will cause hell fire to rain down upon my financial status if it doesn't go through. Long story. Anyway, I poured all my change out on the floor and started counting, because my other option was to write a back check for cash back at the store to get cash to cover tomorrow's bill, and then hope that tomorrow night's pay covers that check--and if not, then tomorrow's night's tips and Tuesday's. But instead, I'll be taking my change fund in to the bank tomorrow because I counted it and it just so happens to have $65 in it--lots of quarters.

So, I'll be starting December off right, rather than behind by even one shift. I'm going to work as much as I can this month; I have finals to worry about too, so I have to study, but I'm at least not going to take any days off ... not even my birthday (sigh). Well, that's not totally true, I am taking Friday night off, but it wasn't by choice. I couldn't get there until five, so they took me off the schedule (grumble). But other than that ... no days off. Not even the day after Christmas, which is going to really aggravate my dad. He's got this whole big family Christmas shindig planned out, he wants everyone to come up Christmas Eve and stay through Friday. But I'm already losing Thursday because of Christmas, I can't give up Friday too.

I haven't told him that I'm working on my birthday yet, either. He'll probably be cranky at me; when I worked at the local family-owned place and tried to work on my birthday, my dad called the owner and took the day off for me. I'd like to be able to rest and relax on my birthday. I'd like to go out with my friends. I'd like to not work. But as my dad is so fond of saying, back in the real world, it's just Thursday.

I like living alone. I love it, in fact. LOVE. IT. I can sit around in my underwear, sing at the top of my lungs, leave my things all over the floor. I have two bedrooms here and one of them is still full of unpacked boxes and random stuff, because I live alone and don't have to worry about it.

But living alone also costs me about $850 a month, and so I'm considering the ultimate horror: a roommate.

Okay, so maybe it's not the ultimate horror, but the idea still doesn't really thrill me. I'm an only child. I didn't learn to share. After living with my parents, I lived on my own for three years, visits from the Australian notwithstanding. For about six months I did have a kinda-sorta roommate, but she basically lived with her boyfriend and was only at "our" house once a week or so. After that I lived with my aunt and cousins for two years, but I had the basement to myself, had my own living room and my own bathroom. And then I lived alone again for a glorious year and a half.

But now, someone at work, who I've started becoming friends with, is looking for somewhere to live. She's actually excited at the prospect of my four pets, which is saying something all on its own. And I could definitely use the financial relief. It would be $400 extra a month that I could use elsewhere. That'd be pretty sweet. I could get chunks of my credit card debt paid off sooner. I wouldn't have to stress so much about making money. Maybe I could get that new computer I was whining about a couple of entries ago. Maybe I could save up a decent car down payment. From the financial side of things, it's brilliant.

But from the "I hate wearing pants any more than absolutely necessary" perspective, and the "I'm basically a hermit" perspective ... not so much. I spend so much of my time worrying about other peoples' personal space and wants and needs, and home is where I come to not have to smile or be nice or acknowledge the existence of anybody else if I don't wanna. I don't want to give that up.

So what to do?

But Count Rugen is about to get dead! And even though it's a DVD and I could watch it tomorrow, I want to see it nooooooooow!

This actually does make me happy, it's the first snow we've had, which is really unusual. And it looks so pretty!
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It's bad enough I had to ask my dad for help with my rent. But last night he told me he can't help me. I had to ask my ex for help. Luckily, he's very sweet that way and is going to help me ... but it's humiliating. Stupid economy/credit card bills.

I'd rather stay home and watch the marathon of House episodes I've seen a dozen times.

My computer is basically an internet/music box. I don't play high-graphics games or run big programs. And a couple years ago I did upgrade the RAM. But I'm starting to accept that my computer is old and decrepit and needs replacing. iTunes slows it down a lot, and my new Princess Bride game freezes up and stutters (and it's a cartoon game, not some crazy graphics thing). And then there are just a lot of random little freezes and blue screens of death and stuff.

Crap.

Money issues aside, I still don't want to get a new computer. It's a huge fucking hassle all the way around--picking it out, customizing it, waiting for it to arrive, and most of all, transferring all my shit to a new machine. I don't even really know where I'd start--transferring files to my extra drive and hooking that up is simple enough, but I'd have to re-download a fuckton of applications too. And then there's the fact that everything seems to come with Vista now, and I'm perfectly happy with XP and that's what my programs are for. I'm not sure if some of them will work. Or there's the Mac option, theoretically--ha! Then there's laptop or desktop. Anyway, it's just a big headache.

I guess I should be grateful that I haven't been forced to get a new computer--this one will be eight years old next month. So it'll probably crap on out me soon. And after I get a new computer and completely sterilize this one, I mean like triple erase and scramble the crap out of it, I can give this to my mom because hers is even older and more funuckered up.

Although all of this is moot right now anyway, since it would be absolute idiocy to add another thousand dollars to my debts. Maybe I'll get a really, REALLY big tax return. Oh wait, I need a new car when feasible too. And I'm a waitress. Forget it.

I actually got quite a bit done yesterday. For me, at least. And considering that I slept really late and then went to a movie. But between that I put away laundry, unpacked three boxes, did dishes, tried to fix my shredder, cleaned the cat boxes, and took out the trash. It's more impressive when you consider I hadn't done dishes in two weeks and the boxes were full of a ridiculously random assortment of stuff. And that after that, the trash was considerable (collapsed boxes, stuff I should've tossed instead of packing and moving, etc.).

Today ... today I'm not doing much of anything, at least so far. I slept late, I had some lunch, I'm playing a game. I should probably stop harvesting flowers for Buttercup and do something around my own house. Maybe just one more level and then I'll do something.

Hey, I found my black lace bra I didn't know I'd lost!

I was looking up at the sky night before last, and there were two planets visible. I knew one was Venus, but I wasn't sure about the other. Apparently it's Jupiter, and tomorrow night the crescent moon will be right by Venus and Jupiter, which will be two degrees (a finger's width) apart in the sky. Very cool!

My father can stress me out without even trying.