The people I work with are probably tired of me talking; how do I have nothing to say here? All day I think about things, my brain is spiraling around, and I don't really talk to people at work about the things I think about. But now I'm sitting here and I can't think of a damn thing to write about!

Well, that's not quite true; I can't think of anything that's not more whinging about my life in general. But that's gets tiresome after a while, right? It's not like anything's changed; other than if I can find a job that pays well enough I'm ditching the waitressing bullshit--I can't take it anymore. Okay, I can, and I will if necessary--but it's just damned hard. Not the job itself, as in the physical actions. I can even fake the people part of it, mostly. But never knowing what I'll have in my pocket is just endlessly stressful. I need about $1200 at the end of the month between my massive credit card payment and my rent, and right now I have .... umm ... well, $60, but another $180 in utilities to pay. Plus little things like food and gas. And they cut one of my shifts each week, which is just splendid. I'm trying to pick up shifts, but nobody's giving away shifts I'm not already working. It's really frustrating.

But I've got a ton of stuff to eBay still, so that's my project for tomorrow .... er, today, technically. Hopefully that'll help me squeak through another month. I'm trying not to worry too much; it's not like it helps. I didn't used to be able to do that; I used to stress and panic and worry and not be able to shut it off. At least now I'm able to say to myself "the worst case scenario is ...." and think about how I could handle that a little, and then I feel better. Right now the worst thing that can happen if I don't make enough money is that I have to pay my rent late. Which wouldn't be great, but can be dealt with. Even if I get far enough behind that I get an eviction notice, that can be dealt with too--because if I get an eviction notice I can do an emergency withdrawal from my damn 401k.

And might I say, it really kind of chaps my ass that I have $3000 sitting in a 401k that I can't access when I really need it. I mean, I know it's important to save for the distant future, but damn.

2 Responses
  1. Simon Says:

    First of all don't censor yourself. Write about what you want. You want to moan? Fine, it's your blog.
    I've been in the same situation as you many times, moving money from one place to another to avoid charges, bailiffs (repo men in your lingo) etc. I've ALWAYS been sh*t with money and I think I always will. I can't think that far ahead, so if I have money now, I will spend it. Not on stupid things, but things like food, something for my son, or my wife. At the end of the day, if you don't have the money, you don't have it. You're not gonna die because of it. (uh... you don't need insulin or anything, right?!)

  2. purplegirl Says:

    I only censor myself because I'm tired of hearing myself whine. :) Budgeting sucks. I'm getting better at it, I guess, but still ... yuck.

    And no, no insulin. :)