I hate spiders. Seriously hate them. I'm not really sure why; it's not like I ever suffered a terrible bite or anything. I didn't see "Arachnophobia" until I was in high school, and at that point my hatred of them was well established. Just seeing one makes my heart start racing. If I find one actually on me, I shudder and scream and flail and basically freak right the fuck out. I know that they're necessary in the ecosystem, that they're really beneficial predators, blah blah blah. If they're in my house, they're dead beneficial predators.

I think it started when I was about five. The house we lived in had this spiders with oblong bodies that were sort of watermelon striped. And the lady next door had a big garden that she grew watermelons in, and from my midgety little point of view, one of the watermelons and vines looked like a giant spider. Maybe that's it, I don't know.

Usually, the presence of a spider in my bedroom triggers immediate panic. Once there was a big hairy spider on the wall above my bed, and I ran to get a shoe. I got back with a shoe just in time to see one of my cats take a swipe at it and knock it on to my pillow. It scurried away, but I couldn't find it. My response was to completely dissasemble my bed, move it away from the wall, and reassemble it--at about 3 in the morning. I slept in the middle of the room for a week. I don't like spiders.

This all just preamble to illustrate how miserable I've been feeling this last week. Last Thursday I was fine. On the way up to my dad's house I had the windows down, was listening to the new a-ha album and singing, felt great. Right after dinner, I started feeling not so good. At first I thought it was an allergic reaction to something--I am, after all, allergic to the planet. Then my stomach started feeling queasy, but I thought it was my dad's cooking--heavy on the bacon grease.

Halfway down the hill, though, I was pretty sure I was getting sick. I started feeling really hot but sort of clammy, and just not right. My throat hurt more, my eyes felt swollen, etc. Since then, I've continued feeling anywhere between crappy and incredibly miserable. I still don't know if it's flu or cold, as it has symptoms of both. The ridiculous heat in my house hasn't helped.

A couple of days before, I noticed a big bug bite of some sort on my hand. I didn't think much of it. The day after I got sick, the same hand got another bite--and I'd been sleeping with that hand under my pillow, sort of against the wall by my bed. I thought I might have a spider in my bed, but I felt too sick and weak to deal with it. I checked my pillows and that wall by my bed, but other than that I just couldn't deal with it. I did spend more time on the couch, but when the worst of the sickness hit and the only position I could find that didn't make me vomit with head pain was on my bed. I passed out, even thinking to myself that there was probably a spider around.

I got a bite on each leg that night. Two nights later, and I finally felt up to pulling my bed out. Sure enough, there was a little brown spider back there. It's now in spider hell. I might not have even bothered tonight, as I still feel exhausted, but I woke up this morning with either a giant cystic zit or a bite on my face. I think it's a zit, but still, my exhaustion was finally less than my spider hatred.

I'm still not going to work tomorrow, though. I managed a very short shift tonight, but I'm still getting flushes of extreme hot and cold, my balance is off from gunk in my ears, and I generally still feel sub-human.

At least my bed is spider-free.

Labels: , edit post
3 Responses
  1. Simon Says:

    THIS is why all spiders must die. They are evil, demonic, pointless nasty shit eating creatures that are only good when they are a large flat splat on the floor. I hate the fcukin' thing.
    Check these out:

  2. Anonymous Says:

    Some justify spiders' existance by saying they are food for birds. I think birds are just as happy with the average insect and/or the occasional worm. I would happily buy more birdseed and toss stale toasted bread to the birdies in exchange for never having to see another spider ever again any more ever. Ever!
    I'm too lazy to do the search to see whereabouts you live. I'm in West TN. Black widows love the dark spaces under our houses, sheds, decks. Brown recluses will live happily in stored boxes of Christmas ornaments, andin some cases, behind power outlets RIGHT THERE INSIDE THE HOUSE!
    One of the brown lil bastids bit my brother once as he peacefully slept. Lucky for him he realized it wasn't the average bug bite. His doc gave him heavy doses of anti-b's so he didn't end up with the flesh-rot or nothin.
    I love most creatures great & small(mostly of the mammal-kind)but there's a reason my late-husband, a tall, large, brave man, screamed like a girl & depended on me to kill spiders.
    Ame in TN

  3. purplegirl Says:

    Ame, did you look at Simon's links in the top comment? One of them is a spider EATING A BIRD. With things like that, I'm pretty sure the birds are quite happy with insects!

    I'm in Colorado, so we get the widows and the recluses too. I've never seen a black widow personally, and have only found a dead recluse in a box once ... but every time I pull out an old cardboard box I'm terrified.