Today I've consumed a small glass of milk, three fried cheese sticks, a glass of diet coke, and a quarter of a mango margarita. I probably wouldn't feel so shitty if I had eaten anything else, like real food.
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So the woman my dad is currently dating is somebody who he dated before my mother--and while they were married. This weekend, my dear tactless grandmother asked me how I felt about that! I didn't think my mom would get upset about it, I thought she'd think it was funny that my grandmother is so rude sometimes.

She got really upset. So upset that hours later when I called her about something else she brought it up again. She said something like, "I've had to tell you things about your dad that you shouldn't have to know." And I was trying to make her feel better, and said that I was too little to understand it at the time but my dad wasn't exactly discreet with one of his girlfriends. So I've known for a long time that my dad wasn't a good person, and I'm okay with it and she shouldn't be upset for me.

My mom hung up crying. I feel like an asshole.

I had a nice weekend with my family, but they also just make me want to scream sometimes. I'm so glad to be home, home where if I don't feel like smiling nobody slaps me on the shoulder and demands to know what's wrong. Where there are two dogs and four cats, but not eight dogs (more dogs than people) chasing each other around, snarling, fighting, jumping on me, and being a pain in the ass. Where I don't have my grandmother looking pointedly at my fat ass every time I get something to eat, or my aunt glancing sideways at me while she cooks because apparently I should be waiting on the menfolk, not enjoying myself. Where I don't have to see my dad patting his girlfriend's ass, or listen to my grandmother ask me the same question for the fourth time that day, or watch my cousin defer to her douchebag fiancé.

Ah, home. It smells of stale air and cats, and my pilot light went out so it's freezing cold, but it's mine.

I got my grades yesterday, and two of my professors were nicer to me than I deserved. I got an A, a B+, a B, and a C. I was technically 8 points shy of that C, so thank god for rounding; and I have no idea why I ended up with an A in creative writing. I was expecting a B.

So what's so great about all of that? It means I am in the clear! No more academic probation, no big school dismissal to contend with: I'm back in academic good standing. I still can't go to school in the spring, because I have to pay off fall tuition; but once I have that done, I'll be good to go. There'll be no reason I shouldn't be granted financial aid again, no reason I can't do my last three semesters in one stretch.


Yay!!

My new neighbor just rang my doorbell. We've never met, I've only seen her pulling in and out of the driveway, and she didn't introduce herself. Just complained about my music. It's the middle of the day--and it wasn't that loud. This is gonna be just great. She strikes me as the type of person who's going to complain about my dogs and cause me trouble. Goddammit.

I had two finals Monday morning, and two yesterday. The first one, history to 1500, was at seven a.m.--and it went swimmingly. It was 25 multiple choice and then an essay on the Mongols, and I'm pretty confident that I did excellently on it. Even though my essay portion of the test didn't go so hot on the first two, I think this time it's in the bag--this time I actually had enough time to write a complete essay

The second was right after that at nine, and was history since 1500. That one was a freaking massacre. I felt like somebody hit the "blend" button on my brain. It was awful. I think some of the problem was that both classes had a lot of stuff about both Russia and China in these final units, and it all blended together. The test second had ten multiple choice, about twenty fill in the blank, and an essay. If the second test had been like the first, without all the fill-in-the-blank crap, I'd've had it made.

As it was, I looked at most of the questions and had a serious case of presque vu. I could remember reading the name I was looking for; I could see the page and what was around it .... and I couldn't find it. And then there were questions that weren't on the study guide, which is being fucking aggravating--why did the White force lose in the Russian civil war? Ummm .... errr .... I know this ... because .... FML.

So in short, I'll be lucky if I passed the damn test. I counted up all the questions I was positive of, and came up with 45/80 points. If I get half credit on my essay, which was very short and vague because of the blender syndrome again, that's 55/100. To get a C in the class, I needed a 68 on the final. It's pathetic that I may not have accomplished that--I spent almost the entire exam period beating my damn head against the wall, going over and over the questions, hoping to trigger my stupid tired half-cocked brain in to remembering something.

The next day I had my creative writing "final", which consisted of reading a piece of my work aloud--and listening to each of my classmates do the same, which had me about reading to tear my hair out sometimes. When it was my turn, I told a story I thought was hilarious. When my cousin was little, she us she wanted to name one of her pets "In-you-eee". She said she read it in a book, and it meant bored. As soon as I said that, the teacher laughed. Then I explained she'd meant ennui, and I wrote it on the board since I figured half of them wouldn't know the word. Nobody laughed except the teacher, which I guess just proves we're both nerds. (Same thing happened in my French class, I'd actually.)

Speaking of French, I had that final later in the afternoon. I felt utterly exhausted, but I'm pretty sure I freaking aced it. There was one oral comprehension question I know I got wrong, and one or two cultural things I wasn't sure of, but it's the final I'm least worried about. I wish I knew what I had in the class, though; my last grade report before Thanksgiving was an 89.7%, so hopefully it increased by .03% in the last few weeks!

After my exam, I went to the McDonald's RedBox and rented three movies. Then I spent the rest of my evening watching movies, playing on my computer, and feeling the tension of this semester dissipate. I really did not realize how freaked out I was--even when I thought I was relaxing, I really wasn't. I feel amazing now.

Of course, I'm sure the next five days at work will fix that!

Life is kicking my ass right now, what more can I say. Two finals Monday, two finals Tuesday, and then I'm spending all goddamn Wednesday in my pajamas, in my house, doing absolutely nothing I don't want to.

And then Thursday, it's on to the second job hunt.

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I have a French oral exam in about forty minutes; right now I'm sitting in the student center, looking over some poems I have to critique for my creative writing workshop tomorrow. It's not quite as horrid as the short story stuff, but the brevity of the pieces almost makes it more frustrating. How can they screw up something so short? I'm by no means a great poet--it's not my preferred medium, although I do feel I've come up with a few gems (including one I turned in for this assignment, which I wrote specifically to use the word lordosis in a poem!). But once again, I find myself trying to critique pieces that lack a fundamental something, some spark, some sort of sense of creativity.

If this were a required class, maybe it wouldn't bother me so much. But this is an elective class, for god's sake, and everyone in the class seems to fancy themselves as so deep and unique and creative. And yet their work just reeks of juvenile naivete and ridiculous clichés. In a college elective like this, shouldn't you have worked past the "thirteen year old in love" stage? Good lord.

Two more class periods of this crap.
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(Sponsored post.)

As I've complained many times before, I have a ridiculous amount of general stuff. Some of it I'm going to eventually get around to selling on ebay--clothes I've never worn, stuff like that. Other stuff I'll just toss--do I really need that battered Nike shoebox I've been dragging around since high school, and have never properly emptied and sorted out? And some I don't know what to do with. Like a metal cookie tin my mom gave me ages ago, that I don't keep anything in, that's not worth selling on ebay, and probably wouldn't sell at Goodwill, but I don't want to toss it.

What we need is a free stuff repository--and hey, there is one! Lista.com has a headline of "auctions for free stuff"--which confused me at first. Turns out it's run on a system of credits, and you get credits for joining, for listing stuff, etc. So basically to keep getting credits you have to take part in the marketplace, giving away your own stuff, and then you get credits to "buy" other peoples' stuff. I should pass this along to a girl I work with--she had a baby a week ago, and they have a whole section of free baby stuff.

Right now, you can get 100 credits just for signing up and getting started. Neato!

I just got home from eight and a half hours at work, with a hell of a blitz at the end. When I first staggered out to my car in the snow, I thought I'd come home and just drop into bed like a giant sack of meat. But when I got home, I found I was less tired than I thought. It was still snowing, in sparse fluffy flakes. There were only a couple of inches on the ground, all fluffy and smooth and sparkly. It was almost one in the morning, so I let my dogs out front to run around a bit, and I stood out in the snow, letting flakes accumulate on my hair and my eyelashes, chasing my puppies around. They were so cute! The big dog was loping in circles, kicking up snow all over the place, and my little girl trotted around snuffling and snorting into the snow until her little paws got cold.

I planned to stay in then, but the big dog just looked so freaking happy that I took her back outside. She's at least eight years old, but she just wiggles and hops like a puppy when she's happy. So I grabbed my keys and walked with her to the grassy causeway between my neighborhood and the next. It's almost like a little park, with trees planted occasionally and fences on either side. I'd been wanting to take her over there, but there aren't any lights--but tonight was perfect because of the snow. All the light reflected off the snow; the air was gorgeous and clear, and it wasn't even that cold. My pup walked ahead of me, like she knew where we were going ...

And as soon as we got to the grass, she took off! It was hilarious. She just ran flat-out as fast as she could for about a hundred yards, then circled back and made figure-eights around me. She did that for about five minutes. Every one in a while she'd stop and sniff at something, or just look at me, until I called her--and then she'd sprint back to me, ears back, tongue lolling, barreling at me like she would knock me right over. I could practically feel the joy coming off her, and I wouldn't be surprised if my laughter woke up light sleepers in the nearby houses. It was just gorgeous.

After about ten minutes, though, she would stop and look at me and then back toward to house. So I started tromping back, and she ran ahead. When she ran through the gap in the fence I got a little worried, so I started running. When I got to the fence, though, I saw her trotting up the sidewalk to the front door. She waited on the step for me while I crossed the street and the yard, panting and wiggling and just so happy (I tried to take a picture with my phone, but as you can see I caught a snowflake instead of a dog!).

My hair was covered in snow, my pants were soaked, me and the dog were both wet and a little cold, and we were both happy anyway. It was a perfect ending to the night.

In eleven more days, I'll be done with school. Conveniently, my last final is on Tuesday, and I have Wednesdays and Thursdays off. So I'll conclude my semester with two glorious days all to myself. No work, no homework to worry about, nothing to do but ... whatever I want. I cannot WAIT. I don't know what I'm going to do--probably sleep, read, go have dinner at my dad's house ... anything but pick up a work shift! Except maybe on Thursday, since I have an evening exam Tuesday so I had to request that night off. But Wednesday is mine, dammit!

Of course, on Friday I'll have to start the quest for a second job, and let me tell you how thrilled I am about that.

(Oodelally, oodelally, golly what a sponsored post. I've been watching clips of Robin Hood on Youtube.)

My dad's a car guy, so there are some things I don't have to worry about. If my car needs an oil change, he takes it for the afternoon. I don't really even know what a tune up involves, honestly. Okay, I do now after reading that page, but I didn't before. It's convenient, but also somewhat frustrating--because I'm a curious person, and whenever I ask my dad a car question, the answer I get it usually, "You wouldn't understand if I told you anyway." Thanks, Dad. So the ghetto little Acura Integra I'm driving sounds like it's about fall apart, and I have no idea why. Excellent!

While I'm near home, it's not really a problem. But if I move away, or if I'm on vacation, and something is wrong .... what then? Will I just have to google something like Houston auto repair on my phone and hope I don't get ripped off? It's a bit annoying. But I've pretty much given up on getting him to explain things at this point. On the rare occasions he does answer my questions, he makes sure to throw in as much technical jargon as he can until my get a blank look on my face .... and then he laughs.

Really I think it's because he wants to feel needed. I think he worries that if I were to actually be educated about vehicles he'd hear from me less, or something. Or he just enjoys annoying me, that could totally be it too.

Unless five thousand dollars falls from the sky, I won't be going to school next semester. And on one hand, I am utterly depressed by that. I'm going to forget the finer points of my French, I'm going to get out of the habit of studying, it's just going to suck. And I won't finish my damn degree until I'm 30.

But I'm trying to see the positive side of this--there are positives. For one thing, if I'm working two jobs, I should have no problems paying my bills for the first time in months! I'm getting really tired of having to borrow money to pay my rent.

Also, I'll have more time to do other stuff--I'll be out of the house more, but I won't have studying to get when I am home, so maybe I'll finally get the rest of this junk eBayed! And I can read more--I haven't been reading as much as usual both because of homework and because sometimes I just feel like my brain can't absorb anymore stuff.

I am worried, though, that I'll get so comfortable just working and being able to pay my bills that I won't want to come back when fall semester rolls around again. Having disposable income can, after all, get addicting.

(Quick sponsored post!)

One of the most annoying things about getting a new--or new-to-you--car is getting insurance. It's especially obnoxious if you've lost your license for any reason. A few years ago my mom lost her license (I don't even remember why), and had to pay for that SR-22 insurance or whatever it is. If you have any sort of poor driving record, you can feel royally screwed. But even just getting straight auto insurance is a big pain in the rear--especially if you're trying to get student car insurance and have zero idea what you're doing. I'm pretty sure the Geico agent I talked to when I first started college thought I was hilariously ignorant!

I guess that's why there's such a huge market for websites like AmericanCarQuotes. They have an index of different insurance carriers in your area--which is another thing I remember being a pain when I last tried to get insurance, not everyone is available everyone. Having a one-stop area to find a company that's near you and offers the type of insurance you're after can be a real assert.

I neglected to bring a book with me today, and I now have half an hour to kill between classes. Hooray. So I'm sitting here on my trusty Crackberry.

I wasn't expecting to be let out of French early, and I was so tired this morning I didn't toss a book in my bag like usual. Nor did I eat, though I did slam down a glass of orange juice. I also forgot my scarf, which made walking across campus an absolute joy. Basically this day just sucks so far.

I actually fell asleep in my first class. I was sitting in the third tow, so I'm sure my professer was pissed. I tried my best to stay awake, but I kept nodding off. My notes are kind of hilarious, because I fell asleep writing several times. That's what I get for staying up so late, I guess, but I had to take a nap in the evening and that just screwed me all up. Even more than usual, that is.

I have one more class to go, and then I can go home for a couple of hours. Well, an hour and a half, really. Then it's off to a French conversation group, and then a fiction/poetry reading. If I'm highly motivated I'll write up my responses to those tonight and be done with it ... But more likely I'm just going to go right to bed. Of course, I always say that and then I end up awake all night anyway.
I really hope I can talk tomorrow; I can't afford to take a Friday night off work, not with all the other days this month I've got to take off. Fucking December. I hate it for a multitude of reasons. As far as I'm concerned, this month has no redeeming features.
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I've got quite a few in the works; a few sponsored ones and a whole lot of others. But I've also got a cold, so none of them are finished just yet!

Randomly, we'd listened to an Amadou & Mariam song in my French class a month or so ago. Otherwise I might never have listened to this song by The Magic Numbers. I heard it in New Moon, but it wasn't until I was looking at the soundtrack list looking for something else that I saw the familiar names. I freaking love this song. It's so mellow and beautiful.