I've known I'd need to do another financial aid appeal since the end of last semester; I put it off because the longer I didn't do it, the longer they hadn't said no, and the longer I had hope. I finally started working on the letter a couple of weeks ago; I spent hours on it, tweaking phrases and trying to be as persuasive as possible while acknowledging how terribly I've fucked up. I think the letter's rather good, actually. It's honest and humorous and humble, and hopefully will convince them to give me one last chance.

I went to turn it in on Monday and was informed by a rather snotty woman that I had a second progress violation! The letter I received only said I had a classes completed percentage violation, so that was the part I completed. Apparently, between major changes, retaking classes, and transfer credits, I'm now over the 180 credits one is supposed to have completed a degree within. Oy. So I had to meet with an advisor, and fill out a graduation plan, and adjust my letter. I did that today and turned it in.

I'm trying to think hopeful thoughts; but at the same time I want to be pessimistic because if it doesn't come through the next year is going to absolutely fucking suck, and I'm afraid to hope otherwise.

See, if I get my financial aid back, my tuition, books, and rent will be covered. I make plenty at my job to cover my credit card bills that I'm still working on, but not those and rent, which is why I'm getting collection calls all day. Plus my bills relating to my surgery which are really tiny, piddly amounts, but I just don't how them.

So if I get financial aid, I can get caught up on those credit card bills, and what I'm behind on utilities. I can pay my medical bills. I can start saving up a cushion of savings. If I'm really lucky with my tips, I can go to London for my concert I'm dying to see. And when I get my tax return next year, I can use that as a down payment on a new car. Not just a new-to-me car, but a NEW car. I'll be able to go to school next spring, too.

If I don't get financial aid, none of those happen. I'll have to take spring semester off to pay off fall tuition, which just means another damn delay. I won't be able to keep up on my bills, or pay those medical bills. Instead I'll continue scraping for rent money, freaking out on a daily basis about what rabbit I'll pull out of the hat this month.