I've been feeling like my head's going to explode for the last few days. I'm having a panic attack right now; my heart is racing, I'm trembling, I feel like puking, and I want to curl into a ball and cry. Why? Well, it doesn't help that I'm still trying to pay this month's rent, but that's not really it. About once a month, my Prozac suddenly doesn't work for a few days. My PMS just over-rides the serotonin re-uptake process or something, and I end up like this. At first it really worries me, and I feel like I'm going nuts. Then my pants start to feel ridiculously tight, I want to devour the world, I don't want to do anything but sleep, and I realize what's going on.

I'm writing about it now because it's easier to calm myself down if I don't give in to it, if I talk to myself about the fact that there's not actually anything to panic about. Hopefully I can get an appointment on Monday to get some lovely birth control pills to help put a lid on this crap next month.

Labels: , edit post
4 Responses
  1. Panic attacks suck big fat hairy monkey butt. I think if it weren't for Xanax, I probably would have managed to find a way to spontaneously combust whilst imploding and exploding at the same time.

    Which, y'know, would be kind of awesome.

    At any rate, I hope that the birth control pills prove to be helpful for you. Alternatively, we could totally be panic attack pals and go for some sort of synchronized panic routine. It could be the next Olympic sport!

    ...I think maybe I haven't had enough coffee yet.

  2. purplegirl Says:

    I love it. We can do synchronized weeping, followed by frenzied pacing, followed by a breathtaking display of trembling uncontrollably. :)

  3. The Russian judge will only give us a nine if we throw in some flaildancing. We should keep that in mind.

  4. megaphon Says:

    Hi purplegirl,

    the longer I read your blogs, the more things I find we have in common. Like panic attacks. And, yeah, damn right they suck.
    I wanted to share that in my experience it is more helpful to let it flow than trying to fight it. I try to convince myself that probably I will not puke, because it never happens. As soon as I half-heartedly believe that I just give in to those horrible feelings, telling myself that they cannot touch me, the just run through me. Maybe you want to try that. Works better for me than getting cramps in body, mind and soul from trying to control it.
    All the best!!!