This is freaking hilarious! Excellent satire. I think this is my favorite part:

"Sorry to you Hillary Clinton and the entire women’s rights movement, but according to the bible you are “[not permitted to teach], nor to have dominion over a man, but to be in quietness”. In other words, the Bible says you need to shut the fuck up. That is unless, of course, you’re a dirty wicked sinner. Then you can be president all you want."