And she has no personality! She didn't talk. We're both servers, so I tried to commiserate over shitty customers with her. My grandma and aunt and I invited her to play cards with us. We all ate at the dinner table.

But she just didn't talk. She stared at the television; she played with the dogs; she and my dad kept kissing. But overall, it was just kind of creepy. She seemed afraid to make eye contact with me, god only knows why. I admit I did go in determined to be ... well, not intimidating, but self-assured. I even dressed up a little more than I usually would--a button-down shirt and jewelry instead of the first t-shirt I saw. Maybe me not being a shy slob was off-putting to her, and that's why she clammed up? But she's met my aunt and grandma before, and she didn't talk to them either.

She also doesn't look a thing like I expected. Her sister was a friend of my mom's when I was little, and I remember her; Tonya is her opposite. Shorter than me, so skinny I think I could break her over my leg, and dressed like an uptight soccer mom.

Really? This is the woman my dad says he loves? My crazy, fox-feeding, Crown-drinking, inappropriate joke-making, rambunctious, sarcastic father thinks he's in love with somebody with all the personality of a wet dish rag? How the hell does that happen?