A friend of mine runs a business, and she had asked me if I might be interested in doing some online marketing stuff for her. We talked about it last week, briefly; but I was at somebody else's house and one of our other friends was slightly drunk and kept yelling in to the phone. And then I put off calling her back because I felt insecure. After all, I don't really know what I'm doing! I'm not a professional, I just screw around on Twitter and stuff.

And then I realized I was being stupid. She's not expecting massive, insane results--she just wants to try out social marketing. Which I can do--and did do, in fact, for another business of hers last month. But that was just for fun--the idea of making it formal scared me. It's a remnant of insecurity, and something I've struggled with before.

When I got my first retail job, I was terrified--because I was hired as a keyholder, something I'd never done before, in addition to never having sold clothes before. To this day I'm not entirely sure why the woman hired me--oh wait, because she as semi-desperate and because she has a knack for hiring people who will take on her work for her. Of course, that went great--I was really amazing at that job, and had things gone differently I might still be working for that company.

Unfortunately, they passed me over for a promotion twice, and in a fit of pique I applied at the store across the aisle from us. I wasn't expecting to get a call for an interview for an assistant manager position. Once I did, I certainly wasn't expecting to be hired. And once I was offered the job, I was once again ridiculously nervous. None of it was beyond me, but I was afraid I'd fail. And that's what it all boils down to: like everybody else in the world, I hate to fail. I've failed at enough things in my life, why add to the pile?

Of course, that's a very pessimistic view, and would keep me from ever doing anything. I realized that a few years ago, and some of the decisions I've made have been specifically so that I don't let fear of failure ruin my life. And this needs to be another of them. I haven't figured out yet how much I want to be paid, but I have a list of ideas to sit down and talk to her about, and then I may have a freelance social marketing gig.

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