The place I work at now, I also used to work at about six years ago. A few of the same people are there, including one I never forgot whom, in my previous tenure, I hated. See, when I worked there before was during the height of my self-hating period, when I thought I was worthless because I was fat, when I assumed people hated me because I was fat. And, accordingly, I hated skinny chicks because I was jealous.

My distaste for this person was heightened by the fact that she was snotty, bossy, and a know-it-all. At the time, I pretty much thought she just acted that way toward me because I was fat. Now that I'm back in the same place, I've discovered she's not as bad as I remembered. She's still fairly bossy, and snotty, and she still acts like she's better than everyone. But now I can see that, while I used to interpret it as superiority because she's skinny, it's because she's worked at this place for nine years so she thinks she knows everything. Also, I'm pretty sure I gave off subservient, "I'm less worthy" vibes because I hated myself.

I've discovered, though, that when you talk to her about things not involving work, she's actually fairly nice. I don't hate her anymore. But she does still sometimes get on my nerves, and sometimes I still find myself thinking nasty thoughts because she's so tiny (seriously, she's like six feet tall and maybe 110 pounds). The other day I had one of those flare-ups. She was bitching because her husband bought the wrong yogurt. "He got half the fat-free, which is fine, it's got 80 calories. But the other half is low fat, and it's got 230!"

My immediate response was to think, "why the hell are you worrying about it, you're a twig! Shut up and eat something more for dinner than friggin' yogurt!" But of course, thinking that way implies that she doesn't need to lose weight, because she's below some sort of cut-off point. Which conversely implies that some people do need to lose weight, and should be obsessing over calories. Thinking that way also discounts the possibility that this girl is suffering from the same screwed-up body image issues of most of us, and might actually think she's fat. Basically, it's just not a very accepting thoughts, and I'm trying not to think those sorts of things anymore.