I need to make another $400 this week. This is ... well, it's possible, but probable is another thing. And that $400 doesn't even include my massive, crippling cell phone bill that's already six days late. But that's another problem for another day. :) Right now, I'm stressing out about needing to make another $150 to cover my giant credit card bill, and another $270 for the rest of my rent.

I keep running the figures over and over in my mind. If I make this much tomorrow, and this much on Tuesday .... but the fact is, I have no idea how much I'll make. It all depends on how busy we are, what section I have, if people are generous, etc. So there's absolutely no point in stressing out over it. Either I'll make enough money, or I won't. If I don't, I'll ask my dad for help. Or if I can't swallow my pride, I'll let my account by overdrawn for a couple of days.

What I can do, of course, is work as much as possible. I'm not very good at that. I used to be, but since moving and dropping down to one job it's a struggle--I think because I get bored. When I was working two jobs, I had a change of scenery, a change of company, and a change of needed skills. Plus, one of my jobs, I was a manager--so I did a whole lot of different things. I wasn't just a peon like now.

Now, it's difficult to force myself to go to the same place, with the same people, and do the same things over and over. The same mindless things, the same busywork things, the same smile-and-take-orders routine. But this week, and these next couple of months, I'm just going to have to force myself to do it. I'm just going to have to drive to work every shift I'm not working and ask if anyone wants to leave. Someone usually does. If not, it's a quick drive home. If so, it's a little extra money.

I'll be cranky, and sore, and angry at life. But it's only a couple of months. In January I'll get my next batch of financial aid, which will pay my rent for five more months, and by that time I'll have my debt management plan paid off, and that will be $270 a month I don't have to stress about anymore. Hooray! Four years I've been making that payment.

This is how I cope with stress. I obsess over all the things I'll do to fix it, and how/when things will be better. Having run through all this, and written it down, I can hopefully sleep. When I just think about it, I just keep thinking about it and can't rest because I get myself all worked up. If I try to do that when I go to bed in three minutes, I'll tell myself I've already written it out, I don't need to review it any more. Let's see if it works.

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